Change comes from God...

The picture above was taken on October 29, 2022. I had just started the recovery process from COVID19; it was after I died and Jesus rose in my life. I was living a lie before I caught Covid, I had been baptized on my physical birthday 9-22, but I was still living on the fence. I was very much lukewarm, I was still smoking weed even though I didn't really want to; the enemy had a hold on me at that time. I was convinced that smoking weed wasn't a big deal and that God was okay with it. I was wrong. He was not okay with it and He let me know of it every time I lit a joint. I would start to question if I was supposed to smoke, or if I was allowed to smoke as a Christian. I soon found out that I was passed the point of it being acceptable to Him.

So, on October 18th my husband came down with a "cold", I only know that because I took a picture of the chicken noodle soup I made him that day. My youngest son was already sick for a day or so, it was traveling through the house. I soon started to feel a little gross, I had a headache, I was nauseous, I developed a cough out of nowhere, and I had a slight fever. My husband and I agreed it was time to take some Covid tests. We took them, and yup, it was Covid. I actually went through the stages of grief about it, and I didn't know who to blame about this. I thought it was my husband bringing back Covid from Arizona, then I thought it was my youngest son, then I thought it was my oldest son. I went from being in complete denial, to being angry, or being really scared, and then just accepting it for what it was. I knew I would catch it eventually. so there we were.

After being sick for a few days, I noticed how badly I was craving weed. It was awful, I couldn't hardly breath as it was, and I had the audacity to want to get high. I went through withdrawals during this period and I just wanted to smoke. I didn't care that I couldn't breath, I just wanted to get high and escape the moment, but the Holy Spirit wasn't letting me give in. Thank you Holy Spirit! On October 24th, 2022, I dropped to my knees and pleaded with God to either end my life or take the desire to get high away from me. It was really dramatic, I mean I ugly cried and everything. I kept saying "Lord, I don't want to be this way anymore. I don't want to get high anymore. I don't want this craving anymore. Please God take the desire from me. You can have my life Lord, I don't want it anymore. I just want to be rid of this addiction." There was a little more to it than that I think, but I know for a fact that day God heard me and took the desire to get high away from me. I have been sober from weed ever since that day, and now I claim October 24th as my spiritual birthday. That's the day I truly gave my life to God. That's the day that I died, and the Holy Spirit took residence in me.

Why am I sharing this with you?

Because, being a Christian is hard and you don't get it right immediately after baptism. Sometimes you have to hit your own kind of rock bottom before God truly turns it around. Sometimes he lets you get to a point where you have to get tired of yourself before you can see Him work in your life. Often times God wants us to be in complete surrender and that means being humble and coming desperately to Him. You cannot change on your own. If you're struggling with an addiction, you cannot overcome that by yourself, you need God. Whether it's drugs, alcohol, or pornography, you cannot overcome that alone. Only God can give you true freedom from those iniquities. Only God can set you free from yourself. And yes, you will need to die to yourself, you will need to lose your life of sin and death, and carry your cross just like Jesus told us to do (see Luke 9:23-24). It will not be easy friends, it's going to be very hard, but I promise you it will be worth it. Jesus already died to set you free from eternal separation from God, now it's your turn to do the work required of you to stand firm in your faith and living in the Spirit of life.

I hope this sets someone free today.